Well, it just seems like 2020 can't get any worse... Does anyone else feel that way? Because I know that I do. I told a wise woman that I cried 9 times today, and you know what she told me? She said "that's better than 20". 9 is better than 20. Feeling is better than not feeling anything at all. Even though in the moment you wanna run and hide, and never get out of bed...at least you can feel. At least you have that opportunity to love, to be happy, to be hurt, to be sad, you are allowed to feel it all. Today's post is very different, as you can see. But this is real. This is not some made up life that Emmi and I are living. We told y'all that we would be honest even in the hardest of times. Here's my truth that I'm living in.
I love the term "season". As you learned in first grade, seasons are described as winter, spring, summer, and fall. Not till recently, did I learn that seasons can also describe the way you feel. Like weather seasons, seasons of feelings last about the same time. Give or take three months to fully transition into the next season. You can be in the season of joy, happiness, love, defeat, but the season that I'm going through right now is the season of disappointment.
This season is tough. It is sad. It feels lonely. I know that I've got the greatest support system in the world but still, the heart feels the way that it does. Naturally. The pain and heartache that I am going through, I know is only going to last for so long. Its not going to overcome my life and its entirety, I will not give it the power to. Sometimes its hard being a good Christian because we are taught that God is so good not matter what. And yes he is without a doubt, but you can also be disappointed. You can be disappointed in how things have turned out, and you can be disappointed in the experiences that you are experiencing. There is no shame to feel that. God is good, but he expects you to grieve. He expects you to feel. And guys, that's what I'm doing right now. But I know that like seasons, this season is only temporary. This season will not last forever. Just like how we long for the sun in the winter, and the cold in the heat of the summer, the seasons are forever changing. Have hope in that.
It's hard having hope sometimes, I know. It's hard telling yourself that everything happens for a reason, but its the truth. I've learned that you can give and give and give to something or someone, but you have got to give and give and give to yourself first. If you're religious, give to God. Invest in him and your relationship with him. If you're not, give and invest in what you love and what motivates you. Put your faith in yourself first. Be strong for that future girl that looks back and humbly remembers that pain and knows how it made her better. This season is only temporary, remember that.
-Amber
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